Deep Down Low

Have you ever sunk low? I mean, a deep down low that you can feel all the way down to your toes. When everything in you: every atom in your body, every thought in your mind, and every beat of your heart seems to sob without care of anything else?

Have you ever been so heartsick that your spirit feels nauseous? Have you ever felt that, though you wanted to help, that you have injured one that you care for? And have you ever felt the numbing certainty of that person pull away from you?

Have you ever felt that you're just lost in the wild? That there's no more path for you to take... that your lot in life is to be stranded in the forest of uncertainty and fear? That you have no purpose...

Today is one of those days... one of those deep, down low days when all I feel is fear and anguish. When nothing makes sense and everyone I love seems so far away. When I feel so alone and unprotected. When it feels as if I'll never feel safe again. That I have no path. When nothing I do seems to be good enough... and will never be. When I feel so helpless and hopeless.

Today was one of those days when I just want to cry in someone's arms all night long. When I want someone to tell me that it's okay and that, no matter what, I am loved... That I will never be left alone. That I am lovely and special. It's the kind of day when all my insecurities come out to play... because I feel none of those things.

Someone to tell me that, as with the ebbing of the tide, this will not last forever.

I know that it will pass... that those feelings will float away in the current of my mind. But... for today... passionate people feel things deeply. And I've never claimed to be a calm, blue sea. I have always been a storm. I am passionate and I am dramatic. And whatever I feel, I feel with all that I am. I cannot live halfway...

But, as the song says, a deep down low makes level feel so high.