Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Reply

In waxing poetic in my last post, some hurt feelings have been uncovered. I want to address those feelings publicly. It seems like the right thing to do. If this post doesn't apply to you, then come back later. If it does, then please read on & then let's just us talk.

To Anonymous-

I suppose you would fall into the "I think we got our signals mixed and crossed badly somewhere along the way" category. In my blundering way, I suppose I was trying to give any and all space from my drama. I know that the path I am on is uncomfortable for some people & I have tried to be respectful of that.

I have probably also been oversensitive to varying degrees as well. But hurting and/or pushing dear loved ones out of my life has never been my intent. I am so often guilty of trying to read too much into the intent and the motives of what people are doing/saying/etc, instead of just coming out and talking with them about it. It's a massive, awful fault of mine.

To any of my dear friends that have been pushed away these last months, I am so sorry. Please forgive my blundering. I love my friends so dearly & I hurt to know that I have caused pain... I hope that we can have some restoration of our friendships, dear friend(s).


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Somewhat Syrup-y Stream of Thought

I do, for the most part, try and keep my little on-line world fairly light. But I've had several times over the last months to ruminate on a certain subject. Nothing terribly terrible or anything such as that, but more serious than I normally write.

Every since I entered the new phase of my life- single motherhood, I have come to love and cling to and appreciate my friends. Not my acquaintances, mind you- my friends. Massive life upheavals have a funny, funny way of assisting you in weeding through those two labels. Let's face it, divorce sucks the suck of the doomed & not everyone can (will) continue along with you.

But then you have your friends.

And I have a handful of wonderful, magical friends. They pray for me, pray with me- they help me out with my kid. They laugh and play with me. And, most all of- they have stuck beside me. Some are old friends & some I have had the great pleasure of cultivating our friendship since the separation & divorce fiasco started.

Not really sure where I'm going with this, except to say that friends make your life so much better. They enrich it in ways that you could not even fathom until you start to see it.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

In which I Remind You that I Have a 2 Year old

I have had every intention of regaling you with oodles of tales from Jacob's 2nd birthday party.

No, really. I have.

However, every time I sit down to write a long, loving post- I don't. The 999 other things that clang and clamour around my heels get more attention. I will take a few moments to tell you that, it was lots of fun. Thomas the Train themed. And, yes- he loved it. Jacob kept pointing to the faces of Thomas and his engine friends saying, "See? Mommy see?!"

And he may have hit the Thomas the Train mother load for presents- that he conned his older cousin, Julian into opening a couple of.

He got toys for the bath (or pool, as he decided), toys to play outside, toys to play inside- toys that came in a set (not 1, but 2 Thomas the Train play sets, thank you very much. One with batteries and one without) and toys that came all on their lonesome. He got a new toy truck looking Little People thing (I'm a girl, don't judge). He got a new storybook Bible & some new dvds starring his favorite Bears, an animated Bible figures & (of course) his greatly beloved vegetable people. The boy even scored a pirate ship of the Veggie Tales Pirates Who Don't Do Anything fame. Pretty sweet.

I had a house full of friends and family, lots of crumb crunchers (that's code for children..... who somehow managed not to spill ANY punch all day long. That I know of.)- lots of food and lots of laughter and fun. We ate, we swam, we unwrapped presents, we played, we had cake....


I was exhausted by the end of the day.

...... and promising myself that, next year, we would be celebrating in the company of that overgrown rat who serves the pizza.

All I have to do is get my son over his phobia of the Cheese-rat between then and now.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Another Story Involving the Gym... Kinda

It starts with, I was on the treadmill at the gym on Wednesday. (as all great epic rants do...)

Let me set the scene for you- It's about 2:30-3pm. I finally got to the gym (yippee!) and started my treadmill routine. I have my beloved iPOD (no, I don't have a name for her.... suggestion?) on & turned to my work-out mix and my earbuds and in my ears. I start up the treadmill & look up at the tv screens in front of me.

There's not a lot to choose from- but watching something other than other people sweat does make the time go faster. One of the tellys is tuned to E!.... I recognized that, okay, I'll watch that. (I'm embarrassed to report that I watched the 6am news with rapt attention the other morning while on the treadmill.)

What was on? Khloe & Kourtney (or however you spell their names) take Miami..... a word to the citizens to Miami..... take your city back- quick.

Anyway. Oh, my golly sam lawnmowers!

These chicks are about my age & I was thoroughly embarrassed for them. No class. None.

The way they talked to each other- YIKES! It wasn't just rude or mean, it was nasty (as in, ewwww! Why in the name of green, green grass would you say something like that TO YOUR SISTER?!). They bleeped out the words, but you knew EXACTLY what these girlies were saying. Now- my family is not Puritanical by any means.... but if ANY female spoke to another member like that- there'd be a come to Jesus meeting. Abruptly.

But the moment that made me stop my treadmill was when one of the girls didn't just flash.... oh no, she showed her who-who on NATIONAL TELEVISION! For an extended time. (And then we were treated to a whole storyline revolving around Missy's little missy.) Yes, it was blurred, but are you kidding me? And that didn't embarrass or humiliate her AT ALL. She said something far less .... public was the most humiliating moment of her life.

What an after school special.

And I watched this thinking, I'm not that old. I'm 29!!!!!! I'm about these girls' ages! And as I watched this, I became my mother- I really wanted to rattle those girls' teeth (especially the one who is a mother of a little baby boy herself...... oohhhh, I really want to shake her till her teeth rattle.)

And here's the thing... I remember watching E! when I was a teen.... I watched it when I was in my early 20's... NOT ALL THAT LONG AGO, thank you very much. So I know girls and young(er) women watch this- and I just wonder what they are getting from this? Are they getting that these girls are sorta, kinda not who they should be looking to as behavioral role models? OR (my thinking) are they thinking that, this is normal? This IS what they should model themselves after?

After school special, indeed.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Thus Far Today

6 am: I woke up. On purpose. (yes, me.)

6:15am: I left for the gym. I was on the treadmill by 6:25 am. I live about 2 minutes away from my gym & at 0'dark thirty in the blessed morning, that's a darn good thing. I logged 45 minutes on the over-sized gerbil track and was back home eating my toast and Greek yogurt by 7:30am.

Monette and I settled in to watch the new Army Wives from this past Sunday night.... Who's Monette? That's my dvr? Have I never introduced you? How rude of me. (Yes, I named my dvr. We have a close, personal relationship. I'm a single mom with a 2 year old & I'm trying to ge through school.... I depend on Monette. It seemed only right to give her a name.)

I even got in last night's eppi of The Closer before Jacob woke up.

That's all the good news. The bad news is that I flaked out when just a little bit after Jacob went down for his nap.

But I'm awake now &, as penance, I started a load on laundry.

Oh, and in the between Jacob waking up this morning and going down for his nap was a really fun trip for me through hell.... otherwise known as the construction work going on HWY 75 in McKinney, Texas... and buildings that exist only on mapquest. Multiple detours. Frustration. Gnashing of teeth. Great confusion. Retracing steps. Finally giving up and going home, but stopping through the Chik-fil-A drive through first.

Because nothing soothes the soul like the Original Chik-fil-A sandwich & those 2 crucial pickles... especially when you got up a 6am to (re)start going to the gym.