Ruminating Today

I'm honestly not sure where this blog post is going. I've been struggling with the worst case of writer's block in the world. Every time I've sat down to write, it's just been a blank. Or, about 5 minutes before I fall asleep at night, I compose this awesome post in my brain... but I'm too darn tired to get up and actually write it down. And I never really remember it in the morning.

And so, discouragement has been my companion.

I've run myself in circles. Why do I write? Who reads what I write? Does anyone read what I write? Should I even think that my little blog is good enough for ANYONE to read it?

Sigh.

And, then there's real life... and that's been a bit of a ride as of late. I hurt my knee back in July & I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that. My grandmother has begun the last stretch of her time on this earth... and that's taking up quite a large part of my emotional bandwidth. (not to mention the physical health of other members of my family....)
Jacob started Kindergarten. It's been great. He really loves it, but it's been a change.
Mr. Luke is a baby & they, by definition, take up so much time and energy.
And Mr. Husband works 6 days a week.

Then there's my part time RL job that I've been neglecting like crazy since Luke was born.
Our house, that's a constant full time job by itself.
I'm tired.

And, I kinda feel like I'm complaining and coming off ungrateful. And I'm so not trying to be like that. Well, actually, I'm probably complaining. But I'm not ungrateful. I have realized that I've started to view this space as a happy happy space where I can come on write something shallow & review an item and hope off. And that's not what I want it to be. I want this space to be honest and reflective of my life. The good, the bad & the exhausting.

I want to share the mind-numbing struggle that has been getting Jacob to stop constipating himself & go poop in the freaking potty! I want to share the lows and the highs that the husband and I have gone through as we bind our family together. I want to process and talk about my grandmother & life without her. I want to talk more about my faith & what God has been teaching and walking me through these last few months.

Some days, I just want to write about the boys & document their day.
Other days, I want to share something I love with those who read this blog.

But, most of all, I want to find the passion I used to have for this blog & for writing in general.