10 Things I Never Knew About Motherhood....

1. That my habit of piling my hair on top of my head when I go to bed (I rhymed!) would come in handy one day when I had a child…. Really, really handy. Like when he runs a blazing degree fever & hurls all over me, the floor, himself, and other surfaces at 2 in the blessed a.m…. which just so happens to be the special time of night when my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders. I can jump over a gate to get to my wailing baby, but I can’t jump out of the way of projectile puke.

2. That I would never get a good nights’ sleep again.

3. That my son would end up better dressed than me most days- that hurts.

4. That I could change diaper after nasty, icky diaper with no problem, but totally freak out when my child poops in the tub during bath time. ::shudder:: Dear Lord, thank you for Clorex wipes and bleach. Your germophob daughter is most grateful. (Not kidding, I am forever scarred.)

5. That I could come to love (and loathe) a pre-school channel. Yes, Sprouts, I’m talking to you.

6. That I would turn into one of ‘those mothers’ who starts planning her child’s next birthday party 1 week after his previous one. (I’m thinking Thomas the Train this year.)

7. That my sweet little son could glare at me THAT MUCH when I sat him in Santa’s lap… 2 years in a row.

8. That in the mind of a toddler boy, playtime= wreckazoid time. (Interesting math, if I do say so.)

9. That I would become proficient in Silly Songs, the VeggieTales theme song, dancing to Thomas the Train, Calliou (this one has been known to cause adults to reach for sharp, pointy things with which to pierce their ear drums…. For Mommy, Calliou= Shudder), the Bearenstein Bears, knowing all the characters in VeggieTales and Thomas the Train, etc, etc, etc.

10. That even on days when teaching discipline and ‘that we obey’ produce moments akin to nails on a chalkboard, one little child can make me laugh till my sides hurt 5 seconds later.