Have you ever failed so specifically & so spectacularly that you actually hear what the other person thinks of you? Have you every failed so much that you can hear God telling you how ashamed He is of you?
That as the words come out of your mouth... that you sooo intended to hurt. Oh, yes you did. And, as they found their mark- they were returned.
And. You wanted to vomit.
Because you started to see how very stupid you are. And how much hurt you Are causing?
And... you still want to vomit.
And. You are so ashamed that you resorted to anger & the very most awful words you could possibly fling at the other person.... just because. Just because you couldn't summon your own thoughts & you felt threatened. and. You couldn't be adult enough to say, "You, know .... I need to get my words together. Give me some time."
Dear God.
Yeah.
That would be me and my last hour.
Confession? I suck. I really do.
And ... I really hate myself for the damage that I've caused.
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