5 Minute Friday. Wide.

Yup. So. It's 5 Minute Friday..... The Prompt is "Wide".... Here We Go....


I think I'm so often frozen by the gulf that is 'I'm so far from where I thought I would be by now'. I'm no where even close. I'm divorced. I have a kid. No job. I live with my parents & my grandmother. And I never thought that would be me.

But. I wonder what's keeping me from writing the words I want to write. Following the dreams that are bubbling up within me. That gulf of fear. Oh, she's wide. Wondering what others will think. I freeze at the thought of the disaproval of some people. (I wish I could be less of that person.)

I know that God has me. I know.

And I have been blessed beyond my thoughts- my son. Is Amazing. And. I have a relationship with a really wonderful man. (I could write for an hour or 2 about those 2.) And a family that does love me.

Perhaps the next step is to just take it. Go for it. Maybe I should just jump.

We'll see.

What I Love Wednesday

So, I kinda dropped the ball on this one. Whoops. And, I will say, in my defense... it's been that kinda week/summer. Lot's of stuff going on in my world. Lot's of stuff going on in my heart. Still trying to sort it all out into some kind of cogent pattern I hope I can share with yall. I've seen God's finger prints time and again over the stained glass of my heart & life.... and this season is no different. It's simply... different.

Anyway.

Here's a short, What I Love Wednesday. Enjoy. And remember to look around and truly see the things in your life that you truly love- be they big or small.

1) Late Night Dance Parties. (aka: watching my boy find his groove & his soul)

2) A "Peet-stop" (if you've seen Cars. You know you what I'm talking about)

3) When my son says he wants me to take a picture of him making a silly face. :-) Any time.

4) These 2.

5) 3 Generations of Steeler Nation. Oh, the Pride. That's my Daddy, Jacob & me.

6) There are still a few more years when my son still likes and wants to take pictures with his mommy. And hanging with his mommy is one of his favorite things to do in this world.

Happy Wednesday! 


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So, I Made Lunch One Day

Every once in a great while, I like to exercise my cooking skills around lunch time. Usually around the same time I'm thinking about trying out a new recipe & I'm having doubts or questions about it. What better time, than lunch time? When it's usually just me & the wingman around to flex the culinary muscles?

I thought so.

Behold, today ... I give you a lunch time recipe. In pictures.

This first step is Important. Go to the store. Get a 6-pack of Zevia Natural Sodas. Go! Go, now! They are super yummy. And, no. I haven't been asked to say that. I just really love them. This pretty pink can is filled with tasty Strawberry (!).

Anyway. On with the show- or lunch. Whatever.

I had a recipe that I found. Somewhere. I had most of the ingredients. (yeah, whoops. always check your recipe Before you start cooking, kids!) But I had a few ideas to tweak it, so to speak.

Chop some onion. I used what I had leftover in the FridgAdair. That would be 3/4 of a white onion & about 1/4 of a purple.

Heat up a nice, large skillet with some olive oil. (net time, though, I'm thinking of chopping up some Bacon & then adding the onion once the bacon cooks up. Everything is better with bacon.) Add some garlic. How much? Hmmm.... I used one of my regular old spoons I set the table with with- one scoop. (I'm so precise.)

While the onions & garlic are cooking (and the garlic is hopefully not burning!) chop up one zucchini. Really. I just used one. I thought I might need more than that. Nope. Just one.

Throw it in the pan. And if a short one who's seen "Ratatouille" one too many times comes wandering into the kitchen begging to be a cooker like Remy & "Please, Mommy! I want to help!" I say, hold the pan and left him stir.... and, you know. Take a picture.

Keep stirring.
Let the zucchini get nice and browned and tender and yummy.

Throw in some frozen corn. (Because the 4 year old will usually eat anything with corn.)

Drain a can of beans and dump the beans in. I used red kidney beans, but I think just about any kind of bean would work. Pick one you like.

Next, open a can of diced tomatoes and pour the whole can in. Stir, please.

Add some water and bring to a simmer. Now. Add some spices. I went with some basil, oregano, bay, thyme... you know, my spice palate love language. But I say, play around. Here's where this dish can be spun around to taste Mexican-y. Or whatever you're feeling like. The point is, just add whatever you want to flavor the dish. Here.

Then let it cook for about 10 minutes or so.

Add a cup of rice. Turn the heat down and let the rice soak up all the liquid. It will. I promise.

When it's done, it looks like this. Check your seasoning. (I added just a pinch of salt and pepper after it was all said and done.)

Oh, and then it looks like this on you're plate. Because you added some cheese. :-)

I liked this one. And even the Oh-so-too-picky-for-his-own-good little Mister liked it too.


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The First Day of Pre-School

Yesterday was the short one's first (real) day of pre-school. Sigh. My baby is a 4 year old. A child. He has his own sassy opinions. He can dress himself. Brush his teeth. Walk to and from the car & everywhere else (except when he decides that his legs or feet are broken & he cannot possibly walk another step, because 'Oh, the humanity! It's just too hard! Someone pick me up and carry me!')

So, yes. He started real-live, honest to goodness pre-school yesterday.

And yes, I made him stand in front of the front door with the '1st day of pre-school' sign. Oh, yes I did.

But, all he was really concerned about was his new 'pack-pack.' He's been asking me every. single. day. If today was the day that he would be allowed to wear it. He was thrilled when I told him yesterday morning that It Was the Day.

Who is this little kid? And where did my little baby boy go???

And, of course. A picture with his new teacher, Mrs. R.

I asked her how he did when I picked him up after school.
"Umm, well. He had some problems following directions." (poor lady. I think she thought I was going to get mad at her for saying that.)

(I laughed... to myself. Not out loud. That might be rude.) "Yeah, I kinda thought so. Just keep on him."

I feel a little badly for his teacher. She seems sweet and very lovely. And, I have a feeling that my little ray of sunshine is going to drive her crazy. Hopefully, she'll get his number quickly. (crosses fingers)
**
He's an interesting little guy, my off-spring. He's funny and outgoing as all get out. He's sweet as sugar. But. He's also strong willed as all get out. And stubborn as a mule. And on a mission in life (thus far) to rule. And, if he even so much as *thinks* that he can gain control. You're toast. Oh, and that independent streak that's about a mile wide? That will serve him quite well one day. But today? It's all about taming & civilizing the little whirling ball of boy.

I love that kid.
And, I'm crazy proud of him. And to be the one person in this world he calls, "Mommy."

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He Joins Me

It's 5 Minute Friday. (go Here to get all the intel on just what 5 Minute Friday is all about. And, while you're at it, I highly recommend reading Lisa-Jo's (I call her by her first name, as if I know her personally. Ah, the internet!) blog and then read some of the other blogs that will be linked up.)

This Friday's Prompt: Join

Go

Off and on all through my son's sweet little life, he's been joining me in my bed to sleep at night. Sometimes when he's sick. Sometimes when he's ha a bad dream. Most often, when he's simply gotten up in the middle of the night for no good reason and is wandering the house.

But lately, oh, since he turned the ripe old age of 4- it's changed. He joins me in my bed almost every night he's with me. I don't quite know what's changed or what truly started this new little bedtime ritual of his. But 9 times out of 10 if you're looking for Jacob at bedtime, you'll find him nicely tucked into "his" spot in my bed.

Sometimes we watch the Rangers game. Some times we watch Star Wars.

But, every night. He looks up at me with those bright blue eyes and says, "I like you Mommy." "I like you too, Jacob."

There will be a pause. And usually he'll hug me.
"I love you, Mommy."
"I love you, too"

And I don't mind so much the jumping and kicking and rolling around. And feeling like I'm sleeping with a wildabeast.

Because he's just 4 for now. And he won't want to join me in bed one day (nor should he!). He won't want to join me for much in days that are coming far, far to quickly.

But, for now. He does.
Stop

What I've Loved Wednesday

So, I've decided to start a new trend around these parts.....

::drumroll please::

What I've Loved Wednesday

..... in which I list out 5 things every (you guessed it!) Wednesday that I've loved. It might be something I've seen around the internet. It might be something I've read or something I'm reading. It might be a story that from my life. Or a picture. There are no rules..... except for the whole, 5 part.

So, without further waiting.........

1) This video.
Call Me Maybe- Steelers Training Camp 2012
I love the Steelers. And, I don't care if I'm 31.... I'm not quite done with Call Me Maybe this summer....

2) Jacob finished his first round of swimming lessons this past Tuesday. He went from not being able to swim AT ALL... to being able to swim like a little fish. I'm really loving that.


And... He got a ribbon. We both really loved that!

3) I managed to get my eyebrows waxed & a manicure this past week. Hey, it's the little things! (my nails are all the same shape & a lovely color of pink= happy me)

4) I think.... think.... maybe... just maybe. I've decided on a new preschool for Jacob. Don't quote me on that. But maybe.

5) Arnold Palmers..... the drink. Not the golfer. Not to say that the gentleman isn't a lovely man, I've never met him! I just really, really love the tasty, tasty, magical combination of ice tea & lemonade! It has been my summertime go-to drink. (and I really love that I can go thru pretty much any fast food joint and they will make it for me!)
Happy Wednesday Y'all!

In Which I Talk About Compassion

So.

I have been going back and forth with myself about writing about Compassion Intl.

I think it might go without saying that I support them. I have a Compassion child. I have links to them here on the blog. I tweet out links and posts on the Twitter. 

But.

But.

I haven't really talked about it.

About the little girl in Ecuador that I'm growing a relationship with through prayer and support. About how it is so worth 'sacrificing' the extra fast food run and Starbucks drive thru... to make sure that I have the support money to send to Compassion for L. And I hate how snarky it could sound putting the word sacrifices in "". But really. when I think about it. I have food at home. I have plenty of my beloved coffee at home. I have a closet FULL of clothes and shoes.

L ... not so much.

Her parents'... not so much. They worry every day about keeping their daughter (and their other children) Alive.

I don't really have that worry with Jacob. I know that I have the means and ability to provide my son's basic needs. Right now.

I can send that $38 a month. And write L letters. And send stickers and paper dolls. And... perhaps, even more importantly, get Jacob involved... get him to "write" letters and to draw her pictures. I can pray for her and her family (and community) every day. I have the power to invest in her life.

I don't have much. But I can do much with what I have. If I'm faithful with it.

Pasta night

Tonight was pasta night up here in this crib. And, while I hate to toot my own horn too much... I will in this one case! I make really, really good pasta.

But don't take word on it....


'see my pasta? It's so delicious!'


The pictures don't even cover half the glee and unrestrained passion this boy exhibits for his pasta.


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Epic of Fail

Have you ever failed so specifically & so spectacularly that you actually hear what the other person thinks of you? Have you every failed so much that you can hear God telling you how ashamed He is of you?
That as the words come out of your mouth... that you sooo intended to hurt. Oh, yes you did. And, as they found their mark- they were returned.

And. You wanted to vomit.

Because you started to see how very stupid you are. And how much hurt you Are causing?

And... you still want to vomit.

And. You are so ashamed that you resorted to anger & the very most awful words you could possibly fling at the other person.... just because. Just because you couldn't summon your own thoughts & you felt threatened. and. You couldn't be adult enough to say, "You, know .... I need to get my words together. Give me some time."

Dear God.

Yeah.

That would be me and my last hour.

Confession? I suck. I really do.
And ... I really hate myself for the damage that I've caused.

So Far.... its been the Champ

So. The youngling received a with InnoTab for his 4th birthday this year. Complete with a Cars2 game to go with it. (thank you, Aunt Charlotte & Uncle Butch)

He calls it his "iPAD".... possibly he's spent some time around other people's iPAD's before. :-)




I have to admit. It's pretty cool. (and that's a quote) Jacob LOVES playing on it & the Cars2 plug in game thingy. (Wow, aren't I hi-tech?) He's begging for the Mickey Mouse game & for me to see if there's a Peter Pan or Remy game. I'd say, he loves it.

The only problem is...... getting him OFF the game. :-)


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His birthday dinner

Well, we went to Buca di Beppo for Jacob's birthday dinner. He's my little pasta eater- so it was a no brainer. This child can eat triple his weight in pasta. Any pasta.
(though, I do admit he has a certain fondness for spaghetti and meatballs at Buca and *my* own red sauce and rigatoni)

And, we always have good food & a good time at Buca di Beppo. 

I do think that it was a hit.
We branched out a wee bit from the traditional 'red sauced' pastas.
Chicken Carbonara
and
Penne San Remo
....
Yum.

Above: On the top, Jacob giving his approval.
Bottom left: The birthday boy and his Mom-Mom (his grandmother)
Bottom right: Me and 'Mamer' (aka: *my* grandmother Winnie)


I've said it before. I'll say it again. This boy is an Olympic champ at pasta eating. Is that a competitive game? It should be. And I've got the Gold Medal winner right here.



And why, yes! We did have them come out and sing 'Happy Birthday', Buca style to the young lad. I didn't get a video of that.... but I did get pictures of him enjoying his tasty chocolate cake.




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He Really Is Listening

I posted this on Facebook last night....

"At lunch today after church, Jacob asked if we were going to thank Jesus for our food. I said, of course. Then I asked him if he would like to pray. He said yes & insisted that we all hold hands & prayed, "Dear Jesus, thank you for our food. And for a good day. And for Sunday class. And for our food. And a good day. And Sunday class. AMEN.""

I started thinking this morning. He really is listening. To everything that's going on around him. The conversations he hears. The songs on the radio. The tv shows that are really just back ground to me.... they are making an impression on him. And.... as I am so likely to do, I started to obsess over every. little. detail for a few minutes and spun myself into a nice little mini-freak out that I could not possibly control everything that was pouring into his sweet little soul! And what would that mean for him?! What kind of mother am I? I must be vigilant! At all times! He's counting on me!

........


And then. I stopped. I took a breath. 


And I remembered that I cannot possibly control every little thing that pours into his sweet soul.

There. I said it.

I can do my best. I can guard his hedges to the best of my ability & pray to the LORD to do the rest. I can commit to disciplining him in the ways of the LORD. I can commit to teaching him love, honor, respect... and a myriad of other things that I dearly want my son to learn.

And.

When, it's hard. When he tries me at every. single. turn. (cause, he's a kid) I pray. Oh, I pray to God that He will work it all out for us, cause we love Him.

And. Then, Sunday. I got a glimpse that He is.

Enough

I so much want to do more and be more. To get out of my house more. To take my little boy out. To be able to leave the house without a second thought.
But. I can't. My gandmother can't be left home alone anymore. Her diabetes and her dementia have robbed her and us of that now. Its robbed us of, really, her.
And sometimes, when her attititude truly sucks & she's crazy and mean. And my son is going bonzo, locked up in the house. And I'm going bonzo locked up in the house- I've had Enough. And I resent it all. There are days when I've had enough of the blood sugars & the locked up medicine & the ugly attutude and words that come out of my grandmothers mouth. Of the harsh relationship between my mother and my grandmother. Of having the trade off baby sitting shifts over an 85 year old woman.
And there are days that it takes about all we have the make it to bedtime.
But, that can be enough. Just to make it. Just to know that we survived another day. And tomorrow will be better. And my son is now at the age where he'll remember the fun times with his great-grandmother. When there's laughter at the back yard pool- and my mother, grandmother & I are watching my son show off his new swimming skills. And ... that can make it enough.

I think maybe, when you can find the joy (no matter where it is, how small a sliver) it becomes enough.

Let's go to the movies

So, the short one (who's over half my height at a week till 4 years old) and I went to the Studio Movie Grill here is Dallas on Saturday.

We've been watching more & more 'real' movies here lately at the homestead and Jacob has sat through them all. Loving every minute & moment. I thought that maybe, just maybe, the time had come to re-introduce him to the movie theater experience. (remind me to tell yall all about our $movie viewing of Kung Fu Panda 2..... he hated it when it came out.... loves it now)

The movie? Ice Age: Continental Drift
..... Jacob loved it. (did I mention he's basically...4?)




Waiting in line. Jacob was more than ready to ditch the line & hit the theater at this point. We're not quite at the level of understanding 'waiting our turn'..... oh well. (and yes, the picture quality stinks.... we were standing in front of sun filled, glass windows. Oy.)




We sat down & someone who shall remain Jacob looked waaaaaay to big for his little britches. Seriously, I took the picture & looked at it & promptly wanted to break into a rousing chorus of "Sunrise. Sunset." My baby is growing up. Meep.




Watching previews for the first time. (yes, I had to document it) He had a Sprite & had ordered mini-corn dogs by this time. And he was feeling VERY grown up, let me tell you.




But, really, all he really, really cared about was ordering "copcorn" at the "mobie theatre"...... And yes, I let him hit the little red button to call the people back to our seats after we had eaten our food. Was the tiny tot impressed with himself? ..... I believe the above picture speaks for itself.




And here we have the obligatory "end of movie picture"... picture. with the 'copcorn'.... of course.




This picture? Just cause I can. :-)

What did the mommy think of the movie? Well, there were moments of some great one-liners & character exchanges. But. But....... there was a moment into the movie when (almost as one) all the parents started pulling out their iPHONES.... anything to keep the brain cells active. It wasn't as funny or as fresh as the 1st Ice Age. However, all the kids in the audience (my mini-me, included) loved it.

And.... I think that's what matters the most. 

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The 4th

I think this pic pretty much sums it. Happy 4th.... A day late.


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I made these tasty, tasty meatballs last week. Oh, my. Yes. Behold! I meatloaf that I can actually cook & eat. Yea! They cook, all the way through & I can cut them up to avoid any unsettling dinner time texture issues!

But, really. Seriously. Best meatloaf-y tastiness EVAH.


I made just half the recipe. Cause really.... three adults. 1 child. Yeah.



BUT. But.... we made the full recipe for the sauce. Yes, indeed-y. With quite a loose hand shaking in the hot sauce... cause, um. Yes, please. Even the young lad enjoys some spice in his meals. Makes me so very, very proud.

And. Someone helped make the sauce. Yes. He was so very, very proud. And he ate. And ate. And then the young Jedi ate.... some more.

Yum.



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What Have I Been Doing?

Mostly, playing :-)




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Playing with New Apps

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What Happens when You're Away from the Blog

They go and CHANGE EVERYTHING.

I logged in today, thinking I would do some long neglected blogging & have spent none of this time, you know... actually blogging (except, ya know... right now). Cause I've been trying to figure out the new Blogger Dashboard.

This is going to take a while to learn. 

Ah well, I would hazard a guess that its what I deserve... I am going to put a blog app on my phone. I can't always get to the computer- but I always have my phone... my pretty pretty phone. (or leash depending on when you talking to me about it) 

Oh, that reminds me- I have a new phone.... I bought myself an iPHONE4.... yes, "just the 4." For an extra $100 and three days waiting, I do not need Siri. Really. I would never use it. But, I loooove this phone. It's pretty & white and I really need to get a new case for it. 

And yes, very strict keep-your-hands-off-my-phone-little-boy rules have gone into place around here. Others may let the crumb-cruncher play with their phones. But I can't so easily replace mine. And I will not have my phone suffer death by almost 4 year old. 

Okay, enough playing around for today- I need to adjust the ice on my shin splints. Ugh. Another story for another post.

Too Much

As in too much stuff.

I have it. And it's driving me crazy. Slowing crawling towards me, trying to squeeze the life out of me. Meep! You wouldn't think that, between me & the short person, that we would accumulate as much 'stuff' as we have... but darn it if we haven't managed it.

And I've stands it till I can't stands it no more.
..... (yes, I know that was a terrible sentence. on purpose.)

Operation Get Rid of All This Crap has begun, people. Oh, it's begun. And there's no mercy. No quarter being shown. If it's not pretty, useful, joy inducing...... or hasn't (you know) been used in (oh, I don't know) 3-5 years (!!!), it's outa here!!!!!

And let me tell ya, something has gotta be down about the clothes closets.... that's all I'm sayin'. Way too many clothes. Way. Too. Many. Clothes. Seriously, what 3 year old boy needs that many clothes?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ha!

No, really. He's better dressed than I am.

And the toys. Sigh. The toys. I already went through those. He's getting a savings account for college for his 4th birthday... that's it. Maybe a library card. No more toys. They are taking over. One Thomas the Tank engine at a time.

Though, I'm not much better. The books, the shoes, the boxes of stuff that's stored in two places. Ack!

Yup. It's time to start getting rid of stuff.
Somebody call Goodwill.
.... and get me a box.